Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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Question...What do you call ten thousand lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

Answer...a good start.

have fun
 
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I still find this one of the more enlightening ‘expert’ interviews I have watched. It works for 99% of topics as well....machine wrapped with butter of course....

 
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I went to the bathroom at a restaurant. I washed my hands, opened the door with my elbow, I raised the toilet seat with my foot, I switched on the water faucet with a tissue then opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow and when i returned to my table I realized.... I forgot to pull up my pants!!!
 
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ah lawyer jokes.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Rottweiler
 
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So I bumped into a lady at the supermarket today. She had a trolley full of toilet rolls, pasta, soap and hand sanitiser. I stopped and gave her a real telling off and a piece of my mind.....She said I hear you buddy... but please get out of my way... I have shelves to fill....
 
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I did a bit of grocery shopping myself, just after the store opened at 8:00 am, Monday. I’ve never seen the like of it. In particular, the bread shelves, the pasta area, and the paper aisle! I didn’t cover the whole store, but I am certain there were other areas as well. I was able to get what we needed, but I had to compromise in the bread area. Looks like we’ll be eating pumpernickel bread for a while. Not that I mind. I could have had all the gluten free bread my cart would hold, but you only eat that out of abject necessity.
 
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I went to the bathroom at a restaurant. I washed my hands, opened the door with my elbow, I raised the toilet seat with my foot, I switched on the water faucet with a tissue then opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow and when i returned to my table I realized.... I forgot to pull up my pants!!!
Where’d your avatar go? Bought by hoarders?
 
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At least its topical and has probably happened.
 
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At least its topical and has probably happened.
Did you not read the previous page?
 
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Did you not read the previous page?

But that one was a lady with a trolley full of toilet rolls, pasta, soap and hand sanitiser.

This one is a bloke with hand sanitisers, baby wipes and soaps.

Totally different joke.

😉
 
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I did a bit of grocery shopping myself, just after the store opened at 8:00 am, Monday. I’ve never seen the like of it. In particular, the bread shelves, the pasta area, and the paper aisle! I didn’t cover the whole store, but I am certain there were other areas as well. I was able to get what we needed, but I had to compromise in the bread area. Looks like we’ll be eating pumpernickel bread for a while. Not that I mind. I could have had all the gluten free bread my cart would hold, but you only eat that out of abject necessity.

Yep last sunday morning I had to pick up some essentials (I was down to 1 trash bag at home), witnessed the same. Funny thing, I took as usual some pumpernickel bread, there was plenty of it, and nothing else in the bread area. Guess I'm the only French actually liking the stuff...
🤨
 
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But that one was a lady with a trolley full of toilet rolls, pasta, soap and hand sanitiser.

This one is a bloke with hand sanitisers, baby wipes and soaps.

Totally different joke.

😉

Hell, it is always the pesky details that trip me up......
 
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Hell, it is always the pesky details that trip me up......

So I was at the supermarket and saw this Gender fluid / non binary character with a trolley full of toilet rolls, pasta, soap and hand sanitiser...….
 
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So, I ran into a guy at the supermarket with a [trolley|basket|cart] full to the brim with TP, hand sanitizer....

Nevermind.
 
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The joke is there was any of that stuff in a supermarket let alone a trolley......


On a side note I scored big yesterday, too valuable to put in the back of the ute like normal. Had the misses walk home......