Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Aussie Jim
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Darlinboy Darlinboy
I threw a boomerang for the first time last week. It didn't come back.

Now I live in constant fear.


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick
 
Wivac
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When I told the doctor that my crossword puzzle obsession was making me depressed, he told me not to get two down.
 
nttisch23
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Didn’t have the best day today, this helped me pick up my spirits a bit. Thanks guys
 
dcomega
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dennisthemenace dennisthemenace
Two Irish engineers are standing staring up at the top of a flagpole, scratching their heads.
A woman walking by asks them what they are looking at.
One of the men tells her that they have been sent to measure the height of the flagpole but they don't have a ladder long enough.
The woman asks for a spanner and disconnects the pole at the bottom and swings it down to the ground
She takes the men's tape measure and then tells them that it is exactly 22 feet, and walks away.
Paddy says to Mick, typical woman, we needed to know how tall it is, and she tells us how long it is.
What does being Irish have to do with this?
 
M'Bob
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dcomega dcomega
What does being Irish have to do with this?

Because they both hit the nearest pub immediately after work. Don't you have any Irish friends?
 
Pun
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A Guy in a hurry used the ladies toilet in a posh
hotel..

He sat down and noticed four buttons -

WW, WA, PP & APR...

Curious, he pressed WW & his butt was gently sprayed with WARM WATER,

he loved it so much..!!

He then pressed WA & a blast of WARM AIR dried him up.

Still loving it....

He pressed PP & a POWDER PUFF to make him smell fresh.

Feeling pampered..,

He decided to press the last button APR.

He later woke up in a hospital

A Nurse smiled & told him

"Sir, APR means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER.

Your balls are in the jar over there.......
Edited:
 
Buck2466
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A woman was in a coma for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of the nurses was washing her private area and noticed there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her there. They tried it again, and sure enough, there was a sizable movement.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will bring her out of her coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes, the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran back into the room. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked."
 
JimInOz
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Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.
 
Omegafanman
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There are some clowns going around making jokes about Roman numerals and I is one...…...
Edited:
 
Omegafanman
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JimInOz JimInOz
Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.
I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

At the interview they asked me my biggest weakness .....and I said it was being honest...…they told me that they did not see honesty as a weakness and I told the interview board that frankly I did not give a flying fcuk what they think :0)
 
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