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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

  1. Duracuir1 Never Used A Kodak Feb 18, 2022

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    kkt, pdxleaf, Zdzislaw and 8 others like this.
  2. Archer Omega Qualified Watchmaker Feb 18, 2022

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    zhark, kkt, Zdzislaw and 9 others like this.
  3. DaveK Yoda of Yodelers Feb 18, 2022

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    This job might be perfect for me

    B866636B-7E35-4433-ADCA-1FBB3EF8966D.jpeg
     
  4. Archer Omega Qualified Watchmaker Feb 18, 2022

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    Fifth Beatle found...

    273733251_10226101253093637_7694438316213349990_n.jpg
     
  5. vitriol Feb 19, 2022

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    spoiler alert from Denmark :rolleyes:
    73E518B6-A06A-46D0-BE5D-4D8533E28CDC.jpeg.81a906945c8cad01a8753969f74abe3b.jpeg
     
  6. M'Bob Feb 19, 2022

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  7. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 19, 2022

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    My son kept chewing on electrical cords, so I grounded him.

    Seems to have worked and I'm very amped about the positive results.

    He is currently doing much better and conducting himself properly.
     
    sonicosa, kkt, Zdzislaw and 11 others like this.
  8. Socks Feb 19, 2022

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    I used to have a hen that could count how many eggs she laid…. It was a Mathemachicken.
     
    sonicosa, pdxleaf, blufinz52 and 8 others like this.
  9. Tony C. Ωf Jury member Feb 19, 2022

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  10. Pun Feb 20, 2022

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    :D :)
     
    Screenshot_2022_0220_122648.jpg
  11. Omegafanman Feb 20, 2022

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    All together now......1,2,3.....
    .
     
    Duke of York.jpg
    rob#1, Zdzislaw, Fretworker and 9 others like this.
  12. M'Bob Feb 20, 2022

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    Zdzislaw, McKinley, JimInOz and 9 others like this.
  13. Buck2466 Feb 20, 2022

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    Whoever the guy is that invented 1 ply toilet paper, I'd like to shake his hand.
     
  14. STANDY schizophrenic pizza orderer and watch collector Feb 21, 2022

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    Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket? "asks a Microsoft engineer." Watch and you'll see, "answers the Apple engineer.
    They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money.
    When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" Asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer . "Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer. When they board the train the three Microsoft engineers cram into a rest room and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please ..."
     
    Moadib, SmithSJ, kkt and 19 others like this.
  15. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 21, 2022

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    "A lesbian couple asked me to help them conceive a baby," related Tony to his friend Joe as they sat at the bar.

    Joe took another swig of beer and raised a questioning eyebrow at Tony.

    "So I told them," Tony continued, "Well, imagine an adult, but smaller, mostly hairless, that cries and poops itself a lot."
     
  16. Archer Omega Qualified Watchmaker Feb 21, 2022

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    Sums up Apple pretty well, actually...
     
  17. Longbow Feb 21, 2022

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    Father, I need you to perform an exorcism to stop this voice constantly telling me what to do.

    Son, you don’t need a priest, you need a divorce.
     
    SmithSJ, Zdzislaw, McKinley and 5 others like this.
  18. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! Feb 21, 2022

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    A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example...

    - Jane took a bite of her friend's hamburger

    vs.

    - Jane took a bite of her friend's colon.
     
  19. Longbow Feb 21, 2022

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    Wife: “I can’t stand the way my side of the bed always creaks; how much do you think it would cost to fix?”

    Husband: “how much is a year’s membership of WeightWatchers?”
     
    Zdzislaw, McKinley, Pun and 4 others like this.
  20. M'Bob Feb 22, 2022

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