Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Longbow · Feb 13, 2022

Sharon drags Kevin off to a jewelers to look at engagement rings. As she bends over to get a closer look at one of the diamond solitaires she inadvertently lets out a little fart. Hoping no one has noticed she asks “How much does that one cost?”

Kevin, having already spotted the price tag and feeling rather faint, reply’s “If you farted gawping at it, you’re going to shit yourself when he tells you the price”.

Kevin received the same spam email as @pdxleaf , asking if he wanted a 15 inch penis. Feeling rather insecure he decided to ask Sharon for her opinion.

She grumpily replied, “5 inches, 15 inches, what difference does it make, you’ll never use it as a rule”.

Scarecrow Boat · Feb 13, 2022

vitriol · Feb 14, 2022

Archer
In this case, Gazpacho is a malapropism. Gestapo was the intended comparison, which obvious hyperbole.

I know😀 In Poland we do have something presumably similar - secret service accused for spying on the members of the Parliament, thus was curious about details of Nancy Pelosi's "G Police".

Omegafanman · Feb 14, 2022

Longbow
Sharon drags Kevin off to a jewelers to look at engagement rings. As she bends over to get a closer look at one of the diamond solitaires she inadvertently lets out a little fart. Hoping no one has noticed she asks “How much does that one cost?”

Kevin, having already spotted the price tag and feeling rather faint, reply’s “If you farted gawping at it, you’re going to shit yourself when he tells you the price”.

Kevin received the same spam email as @pdxleaf , asking if he wanted a 15 inch penis. Feeling rather insecure he decided to ask Sharon for her opinion.

She grumpily replied, “5 inches, 15 inches, what difference does it make, you’ll never use it as a rule”.

Apparently they charged £1000 per inch for the plastic surgery...... He asked how many they could invest in......
And they agreed to spend £15000.......on a kitchen extension ::rimshot::

Tony C. · Feb 14, 2022

I generally prefer not to repeat postings, but the dangerous and ignorant people who drive U.S. (and U.K., etc.) foreign policy leave me no choice. 🤬

M'Bob · Feb 14, 2022

In celebration of Valentines Day, a few matches that could only have been made in heaven…

M'Bob · Feb 14, 2022

A few more…

I doubt their son will have any hesitation reciting his name at roll-call:

Wine drinkers, obviously:

These two always keep the fun going:

Charlemagne1333 · Feb 14, 2022

M'Bob
In celebration of Valentines Day, a few matches that could only have been made in heaven…

M'Bob
A few more…

I doubt their son will have any hesitation reciting his name at roll-call:

Wine drinkers, obviously:

These two always keep the fun going:

A return to the good ol’ days 😉

M'Bob · Feb 15, 2022

Darlinboy · Feb 15, 2022

A dictator walks into a bar...

and orders everyone around.

Duracuir1 · Feb 15, 2022

And just one more thing… Kojak, Columbo. McGarrett, et al… awesome!

Tony C. · Feb 15, 2022

hmmmcamu · Feb 15, 2022

hmmmcamu · Feb 15, 2022

M'Bob · Feb 16, 2022

Hey you! Get out!

Longbow · Feb 16, 2022

Darlinboy · Feb 17, 2022

"I've had the worst day," Tony moaned to his buddy Joe, slumping into the stool next to him at the local bar and ordering a double.

"Why, what happened Tony?" asked Joe.

"My wife - we've been married for 15 years last Friday - has just told me she faked her orgasms every time we had sex!" he exclaimed, "Every time!"

Tony paused, shaking his head sadly, then continued, "But what really stings is that she lied to me about it both times!"

M'Bob · Feb 17, 2022

Tony C. · Feb 17, 2022

M'Bob · Feb 18, 2022