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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Taddyangle
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I lifted these from http://www.tiptopwatches.com/

What Time is it?
  • BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”
  • WOMAN: “It’s 11:25PM.”
  • BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.”


Why?
  • Q: Why don’t women wear watches?
  • A: There’s a clock on the stove!
 
repoman
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Well, if we are telling offensive female jokes...

Q: what do you tell a woman with two black eye?

A: nothing, you already tried to tell her twice.
 
Canuck
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A hole was recently discovered which had been punched through the privacy wall around a nudist colony. The police were called. They are currently looking into it.

What did the termite say when he walked into the bar? Where is the bartender?

Hear about the guy who put a clock in the leaning tower of Pisa? When asked what he had in mind, he said that it was a shame to have the inclination, but not to have the time!
 
Fritz
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Why do brides wear white?

So they match the rest of the major appliances



What do German Shepards and Harley Davidsons have in common?

Both love to ride in the back of pick up trucks.
 
dennisthemenace
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Darlinboy Darlinboy
What's a Brummie? Is it like a henway?
If I knew what a henway was I could answer your question.
OK, I just googled it and no it's not
 
Buckeyes#1
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Why did Susie fall off of the swing?
.
.
.
.
.Because she had no arms.

Knock knock

Who's there?
.
.
.
.
Not Susie
 
gatorcpa
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Well, if we want to head in that direction...

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lays on the ground?
Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean?
Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is hung up on the wall?
Art.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who rolls on the floor at the barbershop?
Harry.

I got a million of them...::rimshot::

Take my wife, please.🤦
gatorcpa
 
Emeister
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dennisthemenace dennisthemenace
Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. 😉

Our Yankee friends are going to struggle with that one 😁
 
shaun hk
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A blonde walks into a library and says "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke" the librarian looks at her and says sharply "this is a library" the blonde then whispers "sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke"
 
Darlinboy
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dennisthemenace dennisthemenace
If I knew what a henway was I could answer your question.
...

What's a henway you say?

Oh, about 5 pounds. ::rimshot::
 
Bezel_Faulty
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A woman comes home after visiting the doctor. With a huge smile on her face she tells her husband; 'The doctor says I have the tits of a 20 year old!'
'What about the flabby sagging 50 year old ass?' he asks.
'Oh' replies the wife, 'we never mentioned you at all!'
 
Time Exposure
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A man chats with a lady-of-the-night on a street corner, and asks her name.
"Bulova," she replies.
"Oh!" the man exclaims. "Like the wristwatch?"
"Yup," she responds. "Same name. Same price. Completely different movement..."
 
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