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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

  1. dennisthemenace Hey, he asked for it! May 16, 2015

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    Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
     
  2. Taddyangle Convicted Invicta Wearer May 16, 2015

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    I lifted these from http://www.tiptopwatches.com/

    What Time is it?
    • BLONDE: “Excuse me, what time is it right now?”
    • WOMAN: “It’s 11:25PM.”
    • BLONDE: (confused look on face) “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I’ve asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.”


    Why?

    • Q: Why don’t women wear watches?
    • A: There’s a clock on the stove!
     
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  3. repoman May 16, 2015

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    Well, if we are telling offensive female jokes...

    Q: what do you tell a woman with two black eye?

    A: nothing, you already tried to tell her twice.
     
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  4. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! May 16, 2015

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    .?.
     
  5. dennisthemenace Hey, he asked for it! May 16, 2015

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    Here's a clue. A Brummie would know..
     
    Edited May 16, 2015
  6. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! May 16, 2015

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    What's a Brummie? Is it like a henway?
     
  7. Canuck May 16, 2015

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    A hole was recently discovered which had been punched through the privacy wall around a nudist colony. The police were called. They are currently looking into it.

    What did the termite say when he walked into the bar? Where is the bartender?

    Hear about the guy who put a clock in the leaning tower of Pisa? When asked what he had in mind, he said that it was a shame to have the inclination, but not to have the time!
     
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  8. Fritz genuflects before the mighty quartzophobe May 16, 2015

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    Why do brides wear white?

    So they match the rest of the major appliances



    What do German Shepards and Harley Davidsons have in common?

    Both love to ride in the back of pick up trucks.
     
  9. dennisthemenace Hey, he asked for it! May 16, 2015

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    If I knew what a henway was I could answer your question.
    OK, I just googled it and no it's not
     
  10. Buckeyes#1 Things come with instructions? May 16, 2015

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    Why did Susie fall off of the swing?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .Because she had no arms.

    Knock knock

    Who's there?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Not Susie
     
  11. gatorcpa ΩF InvestiGator Staff Member May 16, 2015

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    Well, if we want to head in that direction...

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lays on the ground?
    Matt.

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean?
    Bob.

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is hung up on the wall?
    Art.

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs who rolls on the floor at the barbershop?
    Harry.

    I got a million of them...::rimshot::

    Take my wife, please.::facepalm2::
    gatorcpa
     
  12. Emeister Donut-eatin desk-divin wannabe-astronaut fat dude May 16, 2015

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  13. shaun hk Fairy nuffer May 16, 2015

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    What do you call a deer with no eyes..... No idea
     
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  14. Emeister Donut-eatin desk-divin wannabe-astronaut fat dude May 16, 2015

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    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

    Still no idea
     
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  15. Emeister Donut-eatin desk-divin wannabe-astronaut fat dude May 16, 2015

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    You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. ;)

    Our Yankee friends are going to struggle with that one :D
     
  16. shaun hk Fairy nuffer May 16, 2015

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    A blonde walks into a library and says "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke" the librarian looks at her and says sharply "this is a library" the blonde then whispers "sorry, I'd like a cheeseburger, fries and a diet coke"
     
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  17. Darlinboy Pratts! Will I B******S!!! May 16, 2015

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    What's a henway you say?

    Oh, about 5 pounds. ::rimshot::
     
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  18. Bezel_Faulty May 17, 2015

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    A woman comes home after visiting the doctor. With a huge smile on her face she tells her husband; 'The doctor says I have the tits of a 20 year old!'
    'What about the flabby sagging 50 year old ass?' he asks.
    'Oh' replies the wife, 'we never mentioned you at all!'
     
  19. Bezel_Faulty May 17, 2015

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    Salvador Dali's clock walks into a bar.
    The barman says 'why the long face'?
     
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  20. Time Exposure coordinates his cast with his car's paint job May 19, 2015

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    A man chats with a lady-of-the-night on a street corner, and asks her name.
    "Bulova," she replies.
    "Oh!" the man exclaims. "Like the wristwatch?"
    "Yup," she responds. "Same name. Same price. Completely different movement..."
     
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