Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

A guy is driving the backroad of Montana. He happens upon a run down looking mobile home in a yard full of old rusty machinery. There’s a sign on the fence, TALKING DOG FOR SALE. This I gotta see, he says to himself. He pulls into the yard. The guy walks out of the trailer. You got a talking dog for sale? Yep, was the answer. He’s out back. They proceed to the back yard, and standing there, is a good looking chocolate lab. You the talking dog, says the guy? Yep! That’s me, says the dog. Guy says, I can’t believe this! So, tell me your story.

Well, when I was just a pup, I found out I could understand people when they spoke. It wasn’t long before I could talk. When I was about two years old, I went to the CIA, and told them of my desire to help my country. They sent me all over the world. I was in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia, and I sat in on many conferences, and learned a lot. I came back home, and filled in the CIA. This went on for a number of years, until I got worn out from all the travel, and all the pressure. I received many medals and awards, but I was bagged. So I resigned.

When I got back home and unwound, I found I was bored. So I went to the nearest large airport, and applied for a job as a sniffer dog, another of my abilities. Between sniffing out contraband, and listening in on all kinds of deals that were being discussed, they told me I was invaluable. But I got tired of that. So, at ten years of age, I resigned, and got married, and we had many, many puppies.

The guy speaks to the owner. This is unbelievable, fantastic, incredible. What are you asking for the dog. Ten dollars, said the owner.

Ten dollars, for a dog that can talk, and has led such a wonderful life? Why so cheap?

The guy answers, because he’s a bullshitter, He ain’t never been outa the yard!

LOL this has to be the joke of the year 😝, and it’s only March

Speaking of making repairs...

And for intrepid ingenieur (watch sold separately)...

And speaking of engineers... I heard Zeno tell this one to Parmenides...

On the local high school basketball court, all the girls in the class were lined up along one side, all the boys along the opposite. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer observing the scene were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?"

The mathematician thought for a moment then answered, "Never!"

The physicist scribbled a quick calculation then pronounced, "It will take an infinite amount of time."

The engineer, without even bothering to unsheathe his slide rule said, "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough, from a practical standpoint, to need a chaperone"

Nothing good ever follows these three words:

"HOLD MY BEER"

Updated my wall art to be more relevant....

Yorkshire holds it breath as main shipping corridor for black puddings is blocked !!

From Philips Auctions. Joke or honest mistake.

It took me a while...

The horse was drowning nearby. So Mr. Norris continued to pull the ship with only his upper teeth, and rescued the horse with his lower teeth while adjusting the saddle. He needed his hands to do up the buckles.

Okay honey, smile for the nice photographer: