JLC Gift Conundrum

[sjg22]

As with therapy, there is value in talking through challenging decisions with others prior to making them - which is why I would like to borrow the wisdom of fellow OF members.

I was married 5 years ago, and my father-in-law has a tradition of buying a watch for each son-in-law as a gift to mark the occasion - an incredible gesture. The first brother in law received a Cartier Pasha watch - certainly very nice but also very much not my style. Knowing I’m a watch guy, I was given a budget to choose my own. I found a JLC Moonphase Ultra Thin, pre-owned, with silver dial. It didn’t quite squeak into the budget but I supplemented the purchase (unbeknownst to my father in law) with an extra $1,500 to make the math work. (The last brother in law, who knows nothing about watches, chose a Moonwatch with my advice).



Since the purchase, for 5 years I’ve enjoyed the watch. I certainly LIKE the watch; but I do not LOVE the watch. I wear it formal functions and otherwise it sits in my watch box.

The truth is, I’ve always loved the Reverso - but the ones I wanted weren’t in the budget at the time. I could simply buy a Reverso, but I’m actively seeking to shrink my collection, not grow it, and I generally prefer more rugged sports watches day-to-day (with two active kids under 4). My resolution as a collector this year is to move away from watches I do not love, and focus only on those I do.

Thus my question: how gauche would it be to sell my MUT for something like a Reverso Tribute to 1931 (something I would definitely wear more and, have always wanted)?

My father-in-law never comments on the watch when I wear it; I have a number that I rotate as I’m sure many of you do, and since he wasn’t directly involved in the original purchase may not actually fully remember what it looks like or what watch it was at this stage.

My wife may have strong feelings about this - and I haven’t broached even a thought about it at this stage.

Am I crazy for considering a gift switcheroo here? Or am I the only one who really cares and thus should follow my heart?

Edited: Jan 7, 2024

 

[DaveK]

sjg22

As with therapy, there is value in talking through challenging decisions with others prior to making them - which is why I would like to borrow the wisdom of fellow OF members.

I was married 5 years ago, and my father-in-law has a tradition of buying a watch for each son-in-law as a gift to mark the occasion - an incredible gesture. The first brother in law received a Cartier Pasha watch - certainly very nice but also very much not my style. Knowing I’m a watch guy, I was given a budget to choose my own. I found a JLC Moonphase Ultra Thin, pre-owned, with silver dial. It didn’t quite squeak into the budget but I supplemented the purchase (unbeknownst to my father in law) with an extra $1,500 to make the math work. (The last brother in law, who knows nothing about watches, chose a Moonwatch with my advice).



Since the purchase, for 5 years I’ve enjoyed the watch. I certainly LIKE the watch; but I do not LOVE the watch. I wear it formal functions and otherwise it sits in my watch box.

The truth is, I’ve always loved the Reverso - but the ones I wanted weren’t in the budget at the time. I could simply buy a Reverso, but I’m actively seeking to shrink my collection, not grow it, and I generally prefer more rugged sports watches day-to-day (with two active kids under 4). My resolution as a collector this year is to move away from watches I do not love, and focus only on those I do.

Thus my question: how gauche would it be to sell my MUT for something like a Reverso Tribute to 1931 (something I would definitely wear more and, have always wanted)?

My father-in-law never comments on the watch when I wear it; I have a number that I rotate as I’m sure many of you do, and since he wasn’t directly involved in the original purchase may not actually fully remember what it looks like or what watch it was at this stage.

My wife may have strong feelings about this - and I haven’t broached even a thought about it at this stage.

Am I crazy for considering a gift switcheroo here? Or am I the only one who really cares and thus should follow my heart?

I’d propose that your question is answered by this: Would the gift giver want you to enjoy a nice watch that you enjoy and that celebrates your family relationship, or did the giver intend to saddle you with an obligation? In either scenario, you are free to do what you want. A nice touch would be to tell (not ask) them in advance - asking puts an obligation on them, and that’s no fun. Maybe the reverso is purchased as an anniversary present to yourself, tying it all in nicely.

I’ve been watching the Swedish Death Cleaning show recently, lots of great advice about how to approach gifts and heirlooms

It’s a beautiful watch, but I get your yearning for a reverso

 

[Evitzee]

It's your watch and if it doesn't appeal to you any longer trade it in for something more appropriate. I have a feeling your FIL wouldn't care, but you'll need to clear it with the wifey. What is she going to think about it?

 

[Larry S]

Don’t overthink this. Use the funds from the UTM to buy the Reverso. Still a gift watch.

 

[NGO1]

1931 Tribute is THE Reverso. Nay, it’s THE JLC to own. I vote yes to the upgrade. Technically, you were gifted $5k. It didn’t matter which watch you buy before, it doesn’t matter now.

I’d place 1931 Tribute with AP Jumbo and 3700 Nautilus, so my reasoning is extremely bias and will probly wont fly with your your boss lady



1931 Tribute

Edited: Jan 7, 2024

 

[X350 XJR]

A gift is a gift, to be used and hopefully enjoyed by the recipient. Use the funds from the sale of the Moonphase to get something you will enjoy, guilt free.

 

[Tayne]

You asked for opinions, I think this is a terrible idea which will go down like a lead balloon with your wife and/or FIL.

Its possible I've misjudged those two people (whom I've never met) but does your wife have any objects which hold sentimental value to her, or keepsakes of significant events (wedding, birth of children etc)?
Or has she already sold off the other wedding gifts you received?

Your FIL doesn't need to see that watch everday but he knows he bought a significant, "welcome to the family" wedding gift for you when you took his daughter's hand in marriage.
And he gave you carte blance to chose your own so you got something you appreciated rather than an item of his taste.
Put your self in his position and imagine your son in-law getting rid of your wedding present...


Let's turn this around and be positive.
You don't seem to be getting rid because you're in financial dire straights so you can afford to keep this watch.
Perhaps your work environment may change and your kids will grow up so you'll be less rough and tumble in the future giving your more chances to wear the watch.
This watch would be a fabulous thing to wear to their graduations or on your anniversary.
Maybe you should book a babysitter so you and your wife can get dolled up and go on a spiffy date night (you might need to get back in her good books...).

 

[Dan S]

You know your wife and FIL better than I do, and maybe they would be ok with this. Certainly it's true that it's your property and your decision. But personally, I wouldn't sell it. I think it's tacky, and the type of thing that could cause problems. Wear the watch when you're going to see your FIL and make sure to point it out to him and tell him how much you love it. You can't put a price on the relationship.

 

[ErichPryde]

DaveK

I’d propose that your question is answered by this: Would the gift giver want you to enjoy a nice watch that you enjoy and that celebrates your family relationship, or did the giver intend to saddle you with an obligation? In either scenario, you are free to do what you want. A nice touch would be to tell (not ask) them in advance - asking puts an obligation on them, and that’s no fun. Maybe the reverso is purchased as an anniversary present to yourself, tying it all in nicely.

I’ve been watching the Swedish Death Cleaning show recently, lots of great advice about how to approach gifts and heirlooms

It’s a beautiful watch, but I get your yearning for a reverso

As a counterpoint, separating obligation from family relationships can be difficult.

 

[ErichPryde]

Dan S

You know your wife and FIL better than I do, and maybe they would be ok with this. Certainly it's true that it's your property and your decision. But personally, I wouldn't sell it. I think it's tacky, and the type of thing that could cause problems. Wear the watch when you're going to see your FIL and make sure to point it out to him and tell him how much you love it. You can't put a price on the relationship.

I have to agree with Dan and @Tayne. This is a sunk cost gift, unless you run into a financial issue that requires you sell, in which case your FIL would understand. ESPECIALLY if you can afford to purchase or fund your reverso in other ways. It's incredibly difficult to measure the sentimental value of some objects. You run the risk of the off chance he asks about the watch a decade from now. You run the risk of (if you run it by him) voicing a question which can never be unvoiced again. You also run the risk of wishing you hadn't sold it at some point in the future.

 

[Aroxx]

If you don’t need the funds I say keep it in the collection. It’s such a gorgeous and classic watch maybe you’ll miss it in a few years and you can never get the same one back. Seems like a sale that may be regretted down the line.

 

[Pastorbottle]

There’s a few of looking at this, and not knowing the people involved, I can’t and indeed won’t make any recommendations.
But let’s factor in a few comparisons.
Let’s say instead of a watch he gave you a car or home? Would you be expected to keep this car forever? Or should it be ok to trade it in at some stage? I’d suspect that no one would expect you to keep it forever. As needs and preferences change over time.
The fact that he left the choice up to you, takes away some of the personal factor.
All up my guess is he wouldn’t much care.

It’s not like if was a heirloom or anything very personal to you father in law, however it has the potential to be a sentimental heirloom to your kids……but only one will be able to get their mits on it. So there is a potential future shit fight right there.
However in my experience the heirs who make the most noise about what should be their inheritance are usually the greedy one who only end up selling it all off. They’re also the one who always plays the sentimental nazi card to get their way.
So be off loading it now, means that this particular watch won’t be preloaded with sentimental value.
You just divvy up the watch collection between the heirs.

Where there is a will…….there’s a bloody relative!

No the really dangerous waters are those dark and perilous depths that are the domain of the Missus.
She’ll probably be Ok with it, but and this is a huge but, (clarification here: not saying anyone has a huge butt)
You would be best to consult her on the matter, no matter how much you might think that something will be fine to your spouse.
You are not the one living in their head. It is utterly fraught with danger to assume that it will be of no matter without consultation.
It probably won’t be the watch itself that will be the issue…… it will be that you didn’t ask her thoughts on the matter, that will have her booking you a special place in hell!

 

[sjg22]

Thanks for the advice thus far. Interesting debate sparked, and seems like a pretty even split (which captures how I feel about it and why I was curious about the views of others).

For me, this comes down to three competing factors:
1) I'm subscribing very hard to a one in, one out policy (in fact, more like two out, one in lately);
2) I really don't want to offend my father-in-law, or my wife; but,
3) My dad (or my grandfathers if alive, or my uncle, all of whom i am/was quite close to) aren't into watches, but if they were, what would be most meaningful to me would be a watch that he wore regularly and really liked. Is the symbolism of wearing it to my wedding > than the meaning of wearing it regularly and loving it?

Lots of great points made above, very helpful, although I'm still undecided as to whether to even broach with my wife. I don't think my FIL would care tremendously about this (I could very well be wrong), as he had very little to do with the original purchase beyond very, very generously funding it. I think he's held it once for 10 seconds, and perhaps noticed it on my wrist, but doesn't know JLC at all (he's a Cartier man). I'm much less sure about my wife, and clearly her opinion matters tremendously. There is a world where she could say "I'd rather you have something you really want - it's not me wearing it"... there's also a world where she doesn't like the idea at all and is offended for me even considering it...

Edited: Jan 7, 2024

 

[Evitzee]

It seems the first step is to broach the subject with your wife and see what her opinion is on it. If it's a strong 'NO' then that probably settles it, if she is open to the idea you can discuss how her dad might feel about it. Take it one step at a time and see how it progresses.

 

[ErichPryde]

Is your wife at all the kind of person that might say something like "yes, of course I'm okay with this dear" and then, a decade later out of the blue say during a fight "and then there was the time you sold the watch my dad gave you at our wedding"

 

[Pastorbottle]

Perhaps the softest way to broach the subject might be very carefully and even with more subtly, you engineer that circumstance so as to be able to “casually” mention something like “Ah yes now that is the watch I really wanted to get as a gift from the Fil, but I couldn’t find one the the time” Sort of thing.
But be aware that her bullshit detector will be precisely calibrated to you, so you’ll need to be watching her reactions as the plot develops.
You should be ready to abort the mission at the first sign that something isn’t ringing true to her.
Failure to accurately read her reactions will leave you as about as popular as a turd in a punch bowl!

You have been warned!
I myself would hang on to it and just go out a buy a Reverso, it sounds the safest option to me.

 

[Watch my Whisky]

If your father in law is a chill dude then he should be happy you got what you finally wanted.

But, no doubt he will wonder if you will pull the same caper on his daughter.

 

[gbesq]

There’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting a Reverso (I certainly do), but the optics of selling the MUTM to acquire one under these circumstances is a bit dicey IMO. I’d also gently remind you that the MUTM is generally regarded as one of the best if not THE best dress watches in its price range. I’d be hesitant about selling ANY JLC, but even more hesitant about letting this one go. It’s a modern classic and one hell of a nice watch.

 

[Maganator]

Keep the wedding gift and pass it down if you are lucky enough to have children. Wear it on special occasions until then.

Sell something else to fund the Reverso.

 

[Taddyangle]

Whatever the wife says is the right answer. 30+ years of marriage and took longer than 5 years for me to figure that out.

I love the reverso, its the watch I always wanted but will never buy. I can dream.