I've heard a variety of staid but strangely golden nuggets emenate from the mouths of business ambassadors over the years and thought I would compile a few for your consideration. I'd be very interested to hear examples you've encountered, including from outside of North America. Here is an amalgam of a few that have received some play in recent years in my neck of the woods: "I look forward to further engagement and dialogue with the stakeholder community and to leveraging our collective capabilities so as to realize synergies in view of effecting game changing, win-win solutions - both now and on a going-forward basis". Please do share. "I look forward to your response in these and other matters". P.s. A word I could not squeeze in above is "incent", as in "we must incent the right behaviour in order to support investor confidence by ensuring the integrity and fidelity of price formation in the real-time space".
Only had one corporate job. Started as a start up, then 5+ years later 400+ employees. Not only all the corporate buzz words, it was the freaking meetings that drover me crazy. Got to the point that some weeks I was literally in meetings 25+ hours a week. When start up mode, the meetings were two people and 5 minutes, and productive. Corporate was 10 people, 2 hours and nothing got accomplished. This link will generate corporate BS. http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html
Indeed, not to forget about the value-add of our channel partners, I bring to your attention this random mission and vision statement generator: http://cmorse.org/missiongen/
I think the best corporate-speak had to come from the '90s: " Synergy. " I'm pretty sure the mere mention of "corporate synergy" nowadays is enough to have people jumping off the roof.
You do bring forth a valid perspective, insofar as it is a human one. That said, before we move any further on this, I'd first like to run it up the totem pole.
Oh boy, my wife works for Verizon's Business unit and she reads me some really funny one every now and then. Of course that place is what inspired Scott Adams/ Dilbert...
It's always fun realising I've seeding some buzz word into a work group. Once it was "aggregate" and I used it to actually try to say something. All of a sudden, even clients used it for so many things.
Your points are all well taken, gentlemen, but let's call a spade a spade: we are, at this time, at a veritable crossroads. While the future is still unresolved, further rationalization is inevitable, just like change itself.
That corporate b.s. generator website is gold! "dramatically harness alternative results" "credibly syndicate synergistic best practices" I'm tempted to fire off a few emails with some of these.
anybody playing bullshit-bingo at meetings? a couple of my favorites: - the ask was ... - reaching out... - engaging with the stakeholder
And here are a few images I developed and posted on another forum recently as part of a thread on watch confessions: (p.s. It's been a very intense past month or so for me recently and I appreciate you folks indulging my frivolous venting on this thread!)
OMG is that a pic of a Crackberry??? Our new one around headquarters is "what are we trying to solve for?" Pays the bills, supports the kids, my bad habits, and the dividends ain't too shabby.....
Back in my misspent sales days, Corp sales for at the time the 3rd largest computer resellar in the US. We handled the East Coast corp clients, we never saw clients unless we traveled, but dress code was suit and tie in the office. At month end we could be casual... Knowing the answer I asked why are we allowed to be casual on month end. To which the response was "So you are more comfortable and can make more sales." To which my pre-planned response was... "Then why not be causal everyday?"
I worked at a high tech company in the 90's that promoted a young guy with a pony tail to CEO, he had a never ending spew of corporate-techno-babble that somehow hoodwinked the board... well, our stock went from $125/share to $5/share before we were acquired on the cheap and he was fired.