From "the poisonwood bible" which Uma currently reading "Sending a girl to college is like pouring water in your shoes. It's hard to know which is worse, seeing it run out and waste water, or seeing it hold in and wreck the shoes"
A favourite of my late father's was, that he was like the elderly Scottish guy who said if he knew where he was going to be the day he died, he'd keep to hell away from the dam place!
I'll never forget my high school English teacher telling a fellow pupil that his "brain is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle" after one too many stupid answers. She was really great at building character.