So...are those the kinds of parties that are going on in our house (hosted by our 17 and 14 year old teen units) when the wife unit and I are out of town? Gee whiz!

 

I'd probably go with 'affirmative' Mad Dog. I was an angel as a teenager, but my siblings had f'ing insane parties in my parents house, and my parents were none the wiser. Day after involved drywall repair, replacing windows, doors, repainting walls. The only one they knew about was when the sewer backed up and flooded the basement. Shit and condoms everywhere. How do you explain that?:

 

Well...I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

I guess I need to wear all 13 of my watches to work [I have the technology] so that I know of their whereabouts...as well as haul around my 1989 Nintendo Game Boy and 1977 Mattel Electronics Auto Race...meddling kids!

 

Can't beat the sewer thing, but we did have to repaint the house once - inside and out. Replaced a pool filter too from people thinking they were Tarzan, jumping off my patio roof, grabbing a branch of the tree, and swinging into the pool. They were a more effective defoliant than Agent Orange. Used to regularly have 300 of my closest friends over when my parents went on vacation. We could drain 1/2 kegs faster than if they had 1" holes in them. Never that junkie piss water either - we did Lowenbrau, Heineken Dark, and the like. The neighbors didn't rat me out because I had a huge BBQ a day or two before and invited them for steaks, burgers, and lots of goodies. They also figured their teenage kids were safer right next door / across the street with us than somewhere else they had to drive home from. I had a pretty cool block when I was a kid.

Wonder how many hook-ups I was indirectly responsible for?

 

Interesting thread. My favorite phrase, and one that I practically use every single day- "You can't fix stupid"

 

Just used my favorite and it reminded me of this thread. (is that a sign?)I hope the v word isn't inappropriate. To someone cranky, do you need to flush the sand out of your vagina?

 

I used to hear a lot as a kid - " if, ifs and ands were pots and pans, there'd be no need for tinkers" and I had an Aussie boss who used to say "suck it and see"

 

Not worth a squirt of hot cockies piss on a wet road

Like watching a dog have sex with a football


Pelican ( big mouth - noisy person) ie This fucki-g pelican pulls up in he's boat next to us and ...

 

Another fave - "who pissed on your fireworks"

 

If 'ifs' and 'buts' were chocolate and nuts, we'd all own a candy factory.

 

He woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Have your cake and eat it too.

So full of crap your back teeth are brown.

 

Eagles may fly high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines....

 

A corollary: It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys

 

That will stick like a mad woman's shit to a blanket.

 

One that I've heard used in reference to a cheapskate or a overly frugal person and never quite figured out the reference or if the "D" should be capitalized or not: Tighter than Dick's hatband.

A reference to Dick Tracy?

 

LMAO. Where I'm from it's "monkeys fu@cking a football"

 

When someone asks my well being, "finer than frog hair". Several millennials have responded, "I didn't know frogs had ANY hair."

 

This one is a smaller pet peeve of mine. It's actually "You can't eat your cake then have it too". You can have your cake, then eat it - but you can't eat your cake they still have it.

Just like "I could care less" is supposed to be "I couldn't care less". If you could care less, then that implies you actually do care at least a little. If you couldn't care less, then you don't care one iota.

 

"Well that's a fine kettle of fish!"