The Hodinkist.
Is a kaukasian male, typically Northern American between the age of 21 to 40 (there are outliers). Slightly overweight, pale and bearded. Wears his shirt buttoned up, but rarely wear a necktie. Loves bowties, but feel that they make people take him less seriously. Has a job that requires him to stare at a computer screen for at least 8 hours a day, most likely in advertising/communication. This has made him prone to believing pretty much all bullshit he reads, with the consequence that he is convinced that the founder* of Hodinkee.com is Messiah reborn and the rest of the site's editorial staff** are his disciples. The result is a number of grovelling attempts at getting the attention of The Chosen One including, praising the mediocre writing on the reviews, wearing garish wristbands like his heroes and gaining weight in order to achieve the same pudgy look. Is very fond of repeating what he has read on his favourite watch website, including the correct pronouncation of "Glashütte", "A. Lange & Söhne" and "Jaeger LeCoultre*** as well as how cool one-pusher chronographs are. Talks a lot about "craftmanship", "soul of the machine" and about being "authentic".
Dream watches: issued Rolex Submariner (because military)****, Heuer Whatevergraph-Rallyface (because Steve McQueen), Patek Philippe something-or-other (because "Cala-traaava").
*Still can't believe he calls himself "founder" of something, like it's some colony on the outskirts of civilisation or a charity foundation.
**The nerve! THE NERVE!!!!
***Failing miserably in the attempt.
***The Hodinkist will rarely, if ever, leave his room for fear of triggering his numerous allergies/his social phobies, and a military career would be as realistic as him striking up an interesting conversation with Scarlett Johanson.
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